Sulsa Do Corp Pushes The Envelope For Derp

Some of you might remember the shitstorm from a couple days ago, where Sulsa Do Corp “God Rock Ministries / Expert Karate” had a training video with some girls and a lonely guy.  Well that video has been since taken down (huge surprise I know), but the above video is on another channel in all it’s glory.  Oh and the “Pastor” from that “church” stopped by the comments and had this to say:

easy to understand your confusion!!! Military shooters that have had to much time on their hands bashing kids for playing and then taking it for real… This is what happens when people shoot to much.. The loud noise of the guns they use effect the overall ability of rash reasoning… It is easy to see these are just people goofing around!!! Can you get a life or is your brain to far gone! I’m not a shooter or Gun owner and its easy to see the vendetta the person who posted this against these kids is delusional… plus they are using toy guns… World Taekwondo Academy does the same thing with squirt guns to teach formation drills. That’s all this is… I had the instructor of this school come to my church to sing and testify because he is also a christian contemporary artist who has been working with inner city kids for 30 years.. David Bateman is a very good and accomplished Man and has helped many children in their growth!! Sad to see such hate exist to merely try to destroy someone who is an outstanding pillar in our community… I doubt your attempt will work!!!

I still have the original video saved which was taken down.  Pure internet gold.

Anyway on to the video for this post:

0:14 – Sweet knee holster and moves brAh.

Holy those lyrics LOL listen to them!

0:43 – The tactical Christopher Lloyd decides some Katana Freestyle is in order.  Again, top knotch moves.

1:05 – Blow gun?  Sure why not.

1:32 – Tactical knife throwing?  Yep they have that too.

1:43 – The standard Katana onion slice.  A true display of skill.

2:15 – “Elite Combat Training”… there you have it.  Hit up Bateman’s USA Taekwondo ph. #: 423-505-5298 to enroll in some classes and thank me later.

Just in case you didn’t think this guy was completely insane already, here are another couple videos to change your mind:

War Fan Tessen Techniques:

Oh just some “war fan” techniques… no biggie.  Sweet matrix moves too gUrrrrrrl in your “Advanced Sequence” at 2:34

War fan skills are indispensable in boyfriend acquisition nowadays ladies, take notes.  One of the main reasons I’m still single is because all the girls I date don’t play with fans (that was a joke).

Katana Slice of an Apple:

Seeing a weird dude in Yoga pants wasn’t at the top of my list of things to do around midnight on a Tuesday but whateves I’m over it.  Oh and it was quite obvious he just hit the apple with the sword and it fell off the top because it was pre-cut.

hahaha and Will linked this Key & Peele skit in the last post’s comments, which definitely looks like what they are trying to do with those girls here:

Sulsa-Do-Tactical-ShootingMan the internet can be a cruel place to find out you’re not as hot as you thought you were at “training” and other stuff.  Or maybe the pastor will use this new found internet fame as fuel to put out even more outrageous videos?  Who knows…

Thoughts?  Would train with?

Gat tip: SittingDown, Will Smith, PinHead


89 responses to “Sulsa Do Corp Pushes The Envelope For Derp”

  1. “Military shooters that have had to much time on their hands bashing kids for playing and then taking it for real”

    So why did he take the videos down? He’s the classic bullshido black belt, from creating his own certifying body to award himself belts to teaching the inane and useless. He’s taking people’s money and teaching this crap that will do more harm than good. He’s also doing this stuff with adults, so it’s not just kids goofing around. If you’re going to teach it, you should teach it right – which he didn’t do. This wasn’t just one video, there were many tactical air pistol videos – as seen above.

    He’s destroying himself with this nonsense, the internet is just reacting to the fodder provided.

    1. You shouldn’t teach if you suuuck. And he clearly suuuuuucks.

  2. Another one gets busted hawking fake training and gets all butthurt. The adults in the video should know better. However, the kids might actually trust an adult who calls himself “grandmaster” to be training them properly. That’s what really grinds my gears.

    As for the claims that it was all in fun, Master Bateman seems awful serious when showing the class how to choke someone with piano wire in the video I posted on the last thread.

  3. It all boils down to the fact that this guy doesn’t live in reality. It’s obvious by the fact that he never seems to have any competent adults around (only impressionable children and headband-wearing basement dwellers), he “trains” students in shooting formations without any safety measures being observed, and by the slew of videos that he has posted that expose his ego and childish nature. The reality is weak with this one. Who knew Gecko was into 80’s hair metal…?

    1. MyNameIsMud Avatar

      Damn, that made me nastalgia a bit. Is it bad that I miss Gecko45’s full-retard shenanagins?

      1. Starvinpilgrim Avatar

        We all do Bro. We all do.

  4. Does the tactical war fan actually have a purpose, or is to cool you off during operations?

    1. Laurent Amiot Avatar
      Laurent Amiot

      Amateur Tai Chi practitioner here,

      The Fan is a surprisingly versatile weapon. The “non war” (bamboo) version makes a perfectly workable clubbing tool when retracted. It makes a stabbing tool, from either end. And when you whip it open (at a shockingly loud “thwap” sound which makes for a great surprise effect), it it a very sturdy tool with which to do slices, shield yourself in hand-to-hand combat (for the love of god, don’t delude yourself in thinking it’s bulletproof), and generally act as an extension of your arm.

      And the best part about the bamboo version, you can totally take it on an airplane, and nobody will think twice about a person with a bamboo and nylon fan.

      The “war fan” (which replaces the bamboo blades (technical term) with steel blades) is all that, except it weighs three times as much (far greater impact power), is much more sturdy (better stabbing) (better parrying), and is super shiny to boot. It can even be sharpened into actual cutting blades, though such weapons are illegal in many places, and without an awful lot of practice, you’re much more likely to hurt yourself than any opponent.

      All that said. This dude… doesn’t know how to use fans. I’m sure I’m not teaching you anything you didn’t already know with that sentence, but it bears repeating.

      Here. Here are a handful of videos of people that do. Notice the differences. Notice how these people, when they close their fans, actually close them completely. Notice how the motion comes from their wrists, and how the energy comes from their hips, as opposed to just flailing their arms in the air like they just don’t care.

      Now, that was just Tai Chi. Kung Fu uses very similar techniques, to vastly more violent results, with the same tools. The fan is just as much a weapon as a sword or a spear or a walking cane (you can look that one up on your own). It’s all about creative ways of using it.

      But really, let’s recap what we’ve seen from this guy’s performance.

      Concealability? Lost when he chose metal fans, and two of them to boot.
      Surprise weapon factor? Lost when you look at his child molester eyes.
      Effectiveness as a killing weapon? Lost when he spends more time working on matrix dodges than, I don’t know, actually practicing how to hit things. Or flipping the fan around in mid-air.
      Grace, exercise value of practicing a martial art? Lost. Did you see how awkward his elbows are when he opens the fans? That shit’s going to ruin his joints.
      Cost-effectiveness? Lost, he went for the pricey steel fans and practices his daily routines with them. Bamboo fans are cheap. Metal ones are not. And they both age quite rapidly in training, requiring regular replacements.
      Credibility? Oh come on. I mean, come on. Don’t even make me say it.

      This man has single-handily (or akimbo wielded) managed to take every advantage of the fan as a weapon, and turned it into a problem. Nice going, champ.

      The worst part? The “Matrix Dodge” actually is a move in Kung Fu. He just bloody sucks at it.

    2. Is that a male or female? Still not sure it’s either a very very very ugly chick or a very very feminine dude

  5. All I know is the background music in the first video……..Lyric game is on point. He should write intro music from Royalnonesuch.

    I kept waiting to see a meme of Keanu Reeves flash on the screen “I know Kung Fu” during the fan video.

  6. Whoever is the admin here…please save these videos. This is a hall of fame worthy, lifetime achievement worthy, derp here. I will want to show my kids this one day. These videos don’t deserve to be pulled from the internet.

  7. Formation drills? What the hell kind of formation drills call for causing your teammates ear drums to explode and diving into their line of fire? Anyway, I did a lot of googling on this guy and I’m fairly certain that he’s a con of some sort and is probably mentally unstable. I also find it hard to believe that his daughter who has to be all of 12-14 years old, is a Black Belt to the nth degree or whatever the hell it is. Not bashing martial artist because there are some good ones out their, but this guy is not one of them.

  8. St. Louis Blue Avatar
    St. Louis Blue

    I quit Karate classes as a kid so I wouldn’t have to wear a ponytail as an ADULT!

  9. “I still have the original video saved which was taken down.”


    1. Second that!

      1. Found it! Someone was kind enough to reload it.

        Worst ever ‘Tactical’ shooting video ever, David…:

  10. ThomasChagrin Avatar

    At 1:37 on the screen it says “TACTICAL KNIFE TROWING”. Trowing…. That’s why…. :-/

  11. Im just…so happy I saw this. just really, really makes my day.

  12. This guy isn’t just a narcissist. He’s oblivious to his own mediocrity. I had a Martial Arts instructor once that looked exactly like this guy down to the long stupid bleached hair. Guy reckoned he could fight off tick bite fever with his Chi and ended up in hospital. Is long stupid hair a trademark sign of a “Sensei Dan”?

    1. White people..

    2. …it makes me sad that everyone involved in that video will breed.

    3. Starvinpilgrim Avatar

      Whappers with a wisp are awethum!!

  13. Mental note.. never move to Tennessee.

    1. Don’t blame TN for breeding his stupidity. He’s a Yankee transplant from Minnesota.

      1. Duly noted.

  14. This guy looks like Mickey Rourke.

  15. Da Fuq

  16. I think that’s David Lee Roth. He used some of those sweet moves in the Panama video.

  17. Anyone else notice this guy’s name is Masterbateman?

  18. After watching the war fan video, I’m 99.9999% sure he dresses up like a woman also.

    1. Stan Darsh Avatar
      Stan Darsh

      I’m getting more of a Buffalo Bill “it puts the lotion on the skin” feel from him.

      1. Yep, first thought that came to mind. A mix of Buffalo Bill and David Lee Roth.

        1. Tumpai365 Avatar

          That is exactly what I thought!

  19. UsArmyMp Avatar

    Kinda reminds me of a sucked up Dog the Bounty Hunter.

  20. Doc Brown should go back to the future and stay there.

    fans? where we’re going we don’t need fans. …oh actually we do, KUNG FU FANS!!!

  21. That’s gotta be BikerFox’s brother!!

  22. Will Smith Avatar
    Will Smith

    I probably shouldn’t post this because it might stir things up. Before you comment please ask yourself some questions;
    Should we calm down? Have we gone too far? Let’s ponder on what we have done.

    Tackle and Grapple.

  23. Here is his FB page. There are some “interesting” pictures in his mobile uploads album.

    1. Tumpai365 Avatar

      OMG! I am dying here!

    1. xPressureDropx Avatar

      sweet tactical cross dressing skills.

    2. Uh… can this guy be anymore internet gold than he already is?
      Bleached-blond hair metal, cross-dressing, Christian rap, dangerous jackass-style videos with guns and katanas…
      I think the memes should begin now.

  24. Ninjavitis Avatar

    You too can outfit yourself entirely from the Bud K catalog.

    1. ENDO-Mike Avatar

      LOL *Facepalm*. To each their own. He’s really owning that look, I’ll say that much.

  25. A quote from his ‘Bateman’s Taekwondo USA’ page: “Make sure you learn to grip your gun properly otherwise internet bullies will point it out and then try to tarnish your carreer because you are human and held something wrong once or twice…”

    1. Will Smith Avatar
      Will Smith

      When he mentions internet bullies I think Work-A-Holics’ quick ponderance on the matter:

      Then I think what will happen to the internet bullies:
      Will we see a charity infomercial about them?
      For example a rip off of the Feed the children campaign:
      (scene starts below a bridge with a old white man with white beard walking and speaking; dozen of internet bullies lurking about)
      “For just pennies a day you can feed an internet bully…”

      1. ENDO-Mike Avatar

        LOL man Workaholics is so amazing.

  26. We need more memes. In fact, I hope somebody form 4chan sees this stuff and makes it blow up. I just looked at this facebook page and he is a legit walking meme.

  27. Will Smith Avatar
    Will Smith

    Is this guy in solid mental health? I think everyone here would feel bad for talking trash about somebody if he had some mental health issues.
    If he is in good mental health, is this just one of the most elaborate trolls ever conceived?
    The only other result could be he is mentally sound non-troll that thinks this stuff is next level. If that is true then I say meme on interwebs, meme on!

    1. I think he’s mentally functional. You don’t have to be clinically mentally ill to exhibit narcissism and histrionic delusions of your own success. Filming his otherwise uninspiring performances feeds this. It’s basically a way for him to admire himself and allow others to do the same. We check ourselves out in the mirror and post flattering photos on facebook, so in a sense everybody does this, except he takes it many steps further. Also, I’ll wager that he’s actually socially awkward and struggles to connect properly with people of similar age and experience. He probably isn’t a perv, but is able to validate his work in the eyes of impressionable children and adults (lonely guy) that struggle with the same needs. It’s symbiotic. Lonely Guy admires and adheres to the Grandmaster’s teaching (thus validating Bateman) and the Grandmaster praises and exhorts Lonely Guy (thus validating Lonely Guy). You don’t have to have daddy issues for this to occur, but it helps. Also, he married a Russian. Perhaps he’s deeply in love. But what drove him to pursue a Russian woman? He struggles to connect at any personal level with people in his community.

      Believing in the Illuminati? It answers the questions he can’t get answers for: Why isn’t my life perfect? Why are there haters? A: Illuminati. This sadly is the trademark of a loser that desires order and structure, but cannot totally achieve that. In reality, no one can really achieve true order, but his pursuit of unwavering loyalty from students, the illusion he creates of himself to his peers and students and his knee jerk reactions to this weeks events are all his efforts to bring his perception of the world and the world’s perception of him back under control.

      The session is over. I’ll see you next week this time. That’ll be $250.00.

      1. You had me until: “But what drove him to pursue a Russian woman?”

        Generally speaking, until they get Ameri-Can!-ized:

        1. Cute accent.
        2. Not fat.
        3. No tats.
        4. No face piercings.
        5. Long beautiful hair.
        6. Interested in family.
        7. Can cook.
        8. Won’t go out in public looking like a slob wearing no makeup, ratty shirt, stained- fart-smelling sweatpants and flip flops. [Can I get an Amen! married guys and former married guys? You know what I’m saying. Oh yeah. You do.]
        9. Can drink.
        10. Can take a punch. (lulz – kidding – you retards – derp)

        Nuttin’ wrong with a Russian chick. Generally speaking. Exceptions to every rule and all that.

        1. Firstly, I’m not making an assertion about Russian woman. They are waaaaaay classy. Your list has great points.

          But Bateman’s pursuit of a foreigner, and his fixation on that nation’s perceived superiority over American society/women/military is a sign of his alienation from community here. To quote him: “That’s why I married a Russian woman”, under a video about Spetnaz confidence drills. He is equivocating. He is justifying his actions constantly. But not just his actions, his preference of one thing that is from elsewhere over that same thing that is attainable in the USA.

          I could be wrong about it all. You still have to pay for your session. See the receptionist about billing.

          1. I know many people first-hand with Thai/Korean/Japanese wives that are “more traditional” and yeah there’s something to the stereotypes about guys who marry them, but it’s not necessarily abusive/bad either. And if it’s a healthy relationship I don’t see the problem.

            But what’s funny is it’s not unattainable in the US. There are plenty of places where you can find more traditional personalities with more emphasis on values, family, etc, just look in the Midwest and there are oodles. They’re not all bucktoothed and ugly either. Hell I was just in Tulsa and there a lot of gorgeous women there.

            While not always true, there are many cases where someone wants to import a wife to fit a role in their life, vice meeting a person. If it’s a foreign individual, due to the displacement from their culture/language barriers/inability to find a job/lack of family ties, etc – that can often leave them dependent and can lead to an unhealthy/abusive relationship (perhaps more emotional and implicit than explicit, but nonetheless they may be trapped). This guy definitely fits that stereotype and I wouldn’t be surprised if he treats his wife like a thing vice a person.

            TLDR; not everyone that marries a foreign wife is a creep, but many are.

            1. Indeed. The issue is not that it’s impossible for him to find a ‘certain type’ in the USA. It’s that he simply didn’t, or couldn’t or wouldn’t.

              Anyway, I’m opening a new dojo in my area were I teach Expert Judo/spiritual basket weaving. Anyone interested should check out my website and be sure to bring high velocity battle fans.

              1. ENDO-Mike Avatar

                Will there be forward rolling and knee holsters? If not I’ll pass.

                1. Of course. And I’ll teach you the “Buddy Temple Index”, since I know how much you like that. Basically, you rest the muzzle of your handgun against your partner’s head. Very high speed.

            2. His wife lives in TX, hundreds of miles away from where he lives in TN. She is the breadwinner in the “marriage” and a successful businesswoman. Dave lives in TN, barely scraping by with his hole in the wall dojo and rock career. He lives with the other instructor in the gym(a woman) and he moves other students and artists signed to his so-called record label in and out to help cover his bills because he has a very hard time keeping students(since he is fifty shades of crazy). I suspect his wife doesn’t divorce him because it is cheaper to keep him, but that is just speculation on my part.

    2. After careful consideration using your guidelines listed above, we will indeed be memeing on.

  28. He also apparently hangs out with Spetsnaz when he’s in Russia. Bateman’s USA Taekwondo FB page, check it out.

  29. Agitator Avatar

    His moves remind me alot of Mac’s mad karate skills in “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.”

      1. Agitator Avatar

        Master Bateman looks like the kinda dude who may be willing to pay the troll toll ifyaknowwhatimsayin

      2. ENDO-Mike Avatar

        LOL Perfect

  30. Nakedgun Avatar

    Makes me hafta watch “Hot Rod” again! This is almost as awesome!

  31. Ninjavitis Avatar

    I figured he married a Russian woman because you can order them out of catalogs…

    1. And now every 3 months he gets a new catalog

  32. holy shit this is a bloodbath…lol

  33. Matteus006 Avatar

    I refused to believe that this actually real. But I had to know for sure so I stumbled upon this site and all of the links provided. After about 20 minutes of my life that I will never get back I know now that it is all too real…I mean how could this not be a spoof right? His Facebook page says it all, apparently Free Masons are trying to kill him and I had to see a picture of him in a woman’s bathing suit doing the splits….I’m having a drink and going to bed. May God help us all!!!

  34. Wallwalker Avatar

    This man is a comedy genius.

  35. SittingDown Avatar

    Bateman probably saw the comments and…..

    1. ENDO-Mike Avatar


  36. I wonder if he ever does his spinny fan stuff while in drag. I bet it’d be dy-no-mite on stage.


    ^ looks like this kid is all grown up now

  38. Squirreltakular Avatar

    You can’t beat that post-apple-slice footage. Stare at the camera, look at the mannequin, stare at the camera, look at the mannequin. You can hear him thinking, “Yeah, I DID just fucking do that. Your eyes did not deceive you.”

    1. ENDO-Mike Avatar

      LOL so real.

      1. I find his squirming to avoid said apple hitting him being even more hilarious then is “I did just do that”-stare, but that is just me :)

  39. Solid Soldier Avatar
    Solid Soldier

    The words Military and Tactical have no business being used in this cluster of a training environment. As an Army Soldier of 18+ years I would never with a clear conscious endorse such a foolish, accident prone, life threatening and pure inexperienced self defense (armed or unarmed) Hollywood style martial arts training curriculum.

    Here’s a pointer for those interested in taking this class. Next time you are being threatened give the assailant your weapons and lie down and hope for the best. At least that way the only people being hurt is you and the innocent bystander won’t be shot by your stray bullets from your weapon as you roll around in the dirt trying to look like Chuck Norris.

    Honestly there should be laws against ass clowns like this! Some poor guy or gal or worse some kid is gonna get hurt or killed trying to defend themselves using this Kung foolishness!

  40. I can’t figure out which was cheezier: the lame martial arts moves or the painfully 80’s soundtrack! This looks like a live-action Regular Show segment!

  41. I law enforcement and the shitty drill is a sweet way to get yourself and others killed. Rule one cover. 2 don’t fucking fire that many rounds. Three I’m a 4th degree black belt in a variety of martial arts and you sir need a lot of training. Good day dumbass

  42. I really hope this is a joke.

  43. Callingoutfrauds Avatar

    david bateman is a 2x convicted domestic violence offender as well as a convicted thief, per public records in MN

  44. Truth bearer Avatar
    Truth bearer

    The fact that he is 2x domestic violence convicted is why he can’t legally own real firearms, and a theft conviction too