Achtung Old White Guys Training To Be Operators

Every Wednesday Hans drops the kids off at school, park his Corolla at the range, loads his Glock and practices for operations yet unseen:

Aw that’s cute they all dress the same.

0:19 – Standard firing from the line.  Wait… 0:25, what’s with the tactical open mouth?

0:30 – Oh the old face slap / crotch blast / retreat and turn torso to mush.  One of my favorite tactical maneuvers.

0:41 – Hand over the mouth then a Mozambique… retreat backwards then do an embarrassing looking scan to see if there were witnesses.

0:47 – Screw your ABS pipe SON!  *pew pew pew*

0:59 – Whoa easy there Dieter… not everyone borrowed or bought the “Art of the dynamic ABS pipe fuckery” DVD yet.  Don’t be an asshole and try to show everyone up.

1:10 – Nikolaus threw some Pac on during the break and they all wanted to get gangsta with it.

1:37 – Sometimes in Germany you need to run and shoot at people who standing still.  I don’t make up the scenarios, I just report and judge them.

1:42 – German team building.  If you and all your tactical bros can’t put holes in each tango together in series what’s the point?

1:53 – Red goggles and choreographed moves.

2:08 – Pop smoke… pop tactical sleeping bag…  Send in the team to kill everything.  LOL it actually is captioned “Ballistic Blanket” when that green display circle with leader line pops up.

2:24 – Now this is just embarrassing.  They look like a bunch of girls fighting for Justin Bieber’s autograph back stage.  The dance drums were a nice touch.

2:54 – Take down the tactical meth cook.  Kill everyone.

3:26 – “They raised your daughters private school tuition by 30% next year… GO!”

3:40 – These guys love to pop smoke.  It’s crucial to put up a screen of smoke between you and the threat… then shoot blindly through the smoke until you run out of ammo.  Hopefully everyone on the other side is dead.

All that and they don’t appear to be shooting anything H&K!?  And these guys call themselves German… Ach du lieber *smh*

Regardless, what of I think about the “training” it does seem like a good excuse to screw around with some guns and go for schnitzel and bier afterwards.   Just gotta watch Klaus after beer three when he normally starts picking fights with the tourists.

Lahner-Academy-TrainingIf you want to train to operate in German operations with these guys head over to the Lahner Academy website.


Hat tip: Markus


31 responses to “Achtung Old White Guys Training To Be Operators”

  1. You forgot to point out the “sweep everything in a 180° angle while flailing around with my gun”-kata from the “Art of the dynamic ABS pipe fuckery” DVD.

    Using a movable barrier during a brach and only one team member behind it (at 2:16) is also a quite interesting strategy. Probably confuses the opponent who will only think “WTF?”

    Tactical ninja points can be awarded for having a black clad opponent that knows how to fall down correctly when hit the first time and does not get up. Hey, he actually crosses the legs when lying down, that’s an uncommon submission technique even in Bujinkan!

    But bonus points for having someone in front of the muzzle of a rifle only 10 seconds into the video.

    1. elephantrider Avatar

      This shit is nothing new. His “Extreme Close Quarter Shooting Seminar ” video is over 3 years old now and just as ridiculous now as it was then. Check it out for a few more laughs:

      Mental note: never get into a slap-fight with any these guys. I think I could land a knockout, or very disorienting, blow in the time they spend with the stupid slapping and control moves.

      I think I see some Sayoc Kali in there when they do their edged weapon defense.

  2. BKelly47 Avatar

    The short dude muzzle sweeps his face quite a few times doing that speed reload lol.

    1. elephantrider Avatar

      These guys muzzle sweep everyone and everything in sight.

  3. Preston Avatar

    I think somebody has seen “Equilibrium” a few too many times…

  4. 0:59 – Bitch, I’ve watched Equilibrium 10 times! I know gun-kata!

  5. From a martial arts perspective, it’s pretty obvious some of the movements are borrowed / influenced by Wing Chun… except Wing Chun doesn’t advocate swing around your Glock, muzzling yourself and everyone around you while doing blocks and strikes. WTF.

  6. 3:26, magically he goes from blue training gun to real glock.

    1. YES! I caught that. I VERY much want a blue gun that turns into a real gun.

  7. Mountain Avatar

    Mike, you missed a good one. After using his ninja skeelz and taking down the meth cook, he flags his meth head buddy twice… UBER Tactical. God, I love ze Germans…

  8. Both OMG and WTF dude, they need to trade their guns in for airsoft so they don’t kill each other.

  9. I will say this… that is one nice friggin range!

  10. Ugh, this just gave me a headache.

  11. Picking on us old white guys you, you, RACISTS!!
    (Hey if the LIEburals can use it so can I!!)

  12. OH MY LAWD! this is SOO BAD THAT it makes Victoria’s Spectre and Mr. Shoulder Roll “whats his name” look legit.

    Wow… whats with the Wing Chun kung fu moves while holding a gun… this is absolute and utter nonsense. My mind is warped.

  13. HEY! THIS IS SHOPP’D … well in Video its After Effect’d The smoke they are popping is fake in some scenes… at 3:40 he throws smoke RIGHT IN FRONT of his buddy and look at the transparency of it and the pieces that are also transparent. I am going to download this an add just Jackie Chan sounds.

  14. Regulus Avatar

    i bet they couldn’t run a mile without stoping. they are weak

  15. This was SO operational. I mean, these operators can operate the living crap out of an operation.

  16. Redwolf Avatar

    holy snikey it’s old man withers and “Hey you kids get off my lawn” Defensive Carbine Techniques Geritol break in 5-4-3-2-1 tactical polident reload from behind cover. The Hoff would approve of the uberness!

  17. Padawan Avatar

    Last I read, human silhouette targets are illegal in Germany?!

    1. Yup. As is shooting while running. That is covered in §27 (7) WaffG, where all kinds of “kampfmäßiges Schießen” (combat shooting) are prohibited and §7 AWaffV, where it is explained in detail.

      That is generally considered not to apply to training for LEO/MIL (makes sense, right?), though someone might take issue with the wording. Complicated, as usual. Only a cynic would point out that the level of uncertainty about these rules is quite useful in case you really need to charge someone with something.

  18. What did I just watch…?

  19. I’m sure in real life, your assailant armed with a knife will stand there patiently while you break his legs.



    Thank you for that really funny write up. I did laugh hard several times reading it.
    That was a great reading in the morning.

    For everybody commenting: Please realize this is training. So yes, there are some things that could be done better, but that is what training is for.
    It is mostly about dealing with problems in very close ranges, so empty hands, redirecting, blocking and checking needs to come into play as well. At that point, you will swipe yourself with your muzzle no matter what.
    What we don’t do, is muzzling others. ( There is one very specific exception I a m not going into it, but basically we don’t). So whatever you think you saw, is because of perspective. Nobody was accidentally muzzle swept. Besides all guys there are active LEO and Mil, with deployments in different countries and some experience.

    In total: Well, we never ever would assume, that this is the only way. All we know is, that just shooting two handed out of a stable platform will not work in ranges below 3 meters. Especially if the attacker has any kind of blade. We are just fed up with so called “traditional” techniques that assume you cannot train different just people are too stupid to take care. If you look at your class, depending on their level you could train different. Just most people don’ want to leave their comfort zone of what has been done for decades.

    How this all is done…well I absolutely know, there are several ways. We teach that one. Does not make it superior nor inferior to others.

    Have a great day, and again thank you for the laugh


    1. Heya,
      very nice of you to post here. Takes some balls to do so.

      I think we all realize that this is training. We also realize that you guys composed and cut this video for some reason and that was probably not to point out what kind of weird stuff is sometimes done in training but to advertise your courses.

      And as ironic as some of the comments were, the application of close combat using complaced/collaborating partners and that wild flailing (that seems chi sao inspired to me) using a gun, especially against an inanimate object (if you need more than one swipe against something that does not move on its own, you are working against yourself) will be hard to justify.

      As for muzzle sweeps: Yes, that might be a perspective problem for the observer. In competition, one gets disqualified for such perspective problems by an observer. Because, well, observers get shot because of perspective problems. Usually by clearly and surely unloaded guns.

      1. LAHNER ACADEMY Avatar


        you know I am pretty used to receiving both positive and negative feedback. Being in the business that long I usually are ok with that. In fact, I really can laugh about some well written critic and funny lines, like the ones above. If one cannot laugh about his own person that is very sad.

        What I don’t like however, is being wrongly acused of muzzle flashing somebody else. When it is part of what needs to be done and it is conscious that is different. But in training, that should be kept to a minimum and strongly reserved for skilled operators.

        Why stuff in training is done, and the difference between drills for developing attributes out of context, the reasons why and when to have a non resisting partner vs. simunition training, and protective gear when sparring, or going force on force with a resisting opponent ..this is something that will never be explained in that kind of video.
        And how viewers will interpret what they see is surely up to them.
        We do things differently at times, yet at times we do agree with other sources I respect.
        In the end, everybody needs to train hard in whatever he thinks will help him individually.
        I do what I do for a very strong and well thought reason. Whenever we teach ( and we could only do this to LEO and Mil for legal reasons here and in lots of parts of Europe and elsewhere) I stand in front of students all coming from an experienced background, well trained and informed. And I have to stand and will sure be asked questions, and criticized if they think so. And so far, I have not been out of business for over 12 years and usually gets invited back to teach…so I am ok with all that pretty much.

        Are there people disagreeing with what I do? Heck, yes. It is their very own right as well as it is mine. And since stuff like that is not a matter of one’s ultimate truth, but a matter of perspective…that is why there are so many different schools of thought. And I think that is great.

        So it comes down to: Yes, I take it seriously when I teach, but I don’ t go mad if somebody makes good fun of me. I really did laugh very hard reading the blog. Great work. :-)

        Thanks for taking your time to answer.

        Have a fun day

        1. You know what? whatever else can be said, good on you for having a decent attitude about the comments in the original post and here.

          1. LAHNER ACADEMY Avatar
            LAHNER ACADEMY

            Thank you for making that point.
            All the “technique stuff” is a matter of heated discussions and fights, egos and more all over the world and especially the web.
            What is not a matter of opinion is on how people interact and how they discuss.
            So thank you again for your comment.

            Good night

  21. dgdimick Avatar

    Train like you fight, fight like you train. Please don’t invite me to a gun fight.

  22. Martial Artist Avatar
    Martial Artist

    In ancient times we had the masters of defense such as Johannes Liechtenauer and Sigmund Ringeck among others exploring and pushing the martial capabilities of the sword and bladed weapons.

    Now, as was the case back then, we have individuals developing new techniques for battlefields and weapon systems that are continually changing and evolving.

    It seems to me that these gentlemen are martial artists attempting to push the limits of the projectile weapon system.

    It is my opinion that you people should try to be more open-minded.