Tactical Bodyguard Services

For all jobs (big and small) if you’re located near Mongomery Alabama…

We specialize in security for clubs, bars, convenient stores, and private parties. We are also available if you need extra protection for shows, trips, dinners, or transportation. No job is too big or too small for us to handle.

(Squad pictured on left)  Honestly if this is real, I should just hang up my wireless keyboard right now because my internet quest is complete.

There are a whole load of pictures on their facebook page with hilarious comments… you need to check them out.  I’ve never seen such a high concentration of mall ninja operator DERP in one place, it’s epic.  Note the Walther G22 with the gas station holo sight is one of the main battle rifles.

Their website tacticalbodyguardservices.com is more of a placeholder page, but *shrug* looks legit.

What do you guys think?  Got a job lined up for these operators?

UPDATE: WOW… I just called the number on the website 334-694-3088 and actually got company voicemail.  So epic.

Hat tip: Ryan W.


84 responses to “Tactical Bodyguard Services”

  1. You win the internets tonight.

  2. At least they have trigger discipline.

    1. John Moses Browning thinks you are being a little ridiculous with the whole trigger discipline spiel.

    2. Except not. Take a look at their Facebook.
      Mike, you have found the Holy Grail… er, so to speak.

      1. I was wrong. Obviously I didn’t understand how tactical these guys until I looked at their facebook.

  3. Steve in Delray Avatar
    Steve in Delray

    Sleep well; Tactical Bodyguard Services is watching over you.

    1. Or your kool-aid/lemonade stand.

      Frankly, I’d rather see these dudes than a bunch of stupid-ass-hip-gangsta-wannabes.

  4. Fugitive recovery from a 300 lbs woman with a Walther G22. Judging by the choices in guns, im guessing that those MOLLE carriers are not only devoid of pouches but likely armor as well.

    1. Ledward Avatar

      Just so you guys know, I know these people personally and they are nothing to laugh about! I’ve been in many fire fights and combat situations with these people and even the large chick (Dakota) will peel someone’s scalp open if they try to mess with her! If you have any questions about them please feel free to ask me.

  5. If you look closely. the bigger chick in the first picture is holding a High-Point.

  6. JScottNH Avatar

    Tactial… No one noticed? SuperDerp with a spelling error on top!!!

    1. JScott,

      Go and check if you can see the other super blatant spelling mistake.

      I missed it the first coupe of times ’cause I thought nobody was that dumb.

      1. shit…’couple’

  7. JScottNH Avatar

    Ohhhh…. I get it… They are way too High Speed Low Drag to be slowed down with “C”s …. There’s no “C” in SEAL Team 7, Delta Force or CIA….

    1. EPIC lol, opps EPI!

  8. Kranknstein Avatar

    it hurts make it stop.

  9. The Wal-Mart of SPEC OPS!

    This is what happens when you have your moms credit card and access to yor local army navy store.

    Where I come from they are called “creamers.”

  10. Ryo Ohki Avatar

    Holy crap is this the graduating class of Viper Academy?

  11. Well, they’re not a licensed business in Alabama. What are the chances they are not licensed armed agents?

  12. Andy from CT Avatar
    Andy from CT

    Bwahahahaha!!! I can’t stop laughing. Oh, God it hurts! Can’t breathe!!!

  13. I was wondering what Malcom Jamal-Warner was doing after “The Cosby Show” and “Jeremiah”.
    I am also not sure if big girls sausage fingers could actually reach those triggers.
    @Frank, I think these are hip gangsta wannabee’s, they just have more access to TACTICAL MAGIC.

    1. Leftover resin doesn’t count as magic. :D

  14. they got to be legit..the one guy has a shaved head, goatee and high speed shades….

  15. This made my morning.

  16. When did Gecko45 start posting family pictures online?

  17. LOL. I love the muzzle of the third sweeping directly into the fourths face.

  18. Andy from CT Avatar
    Andy from CT

    The FB photo comments are KILLING me!!! They can’t even figure out how to set up FB so that they can keep people from posting, how are they supposed to watch your 6:00?

    1. Andy,

      Got this one from an MMA forum –

      “This is what happens when you take a backwoods hick, mix in some airsoft and COD, then throw in some meth and a sex offender charge that prevents them from ever actually joining the military or police force.”


  19. Dude on the far right is raising six more DERPS.

    Co-owners FB page –


  20. “Look, our motto is ‘To Serve and Protect’. It says nothing about ‘Go to the gym’ or ‘Use reliable guns’.”

  21. This is too hilarious. I would think too hilarious to be true, but sadly, I’m aware that there are really people this ridiculous in the world.

    And if you haven’t looked at the photos section on their FB page, it looks like people have been taking their pictures and altering them to make them even MORE hilarious.

  22. Crunkleross Avatar

    Check out HQ on Google Earth street view.

  23. Looks Legit

  24. El Duderino Avatar
    El Duderino

    I bet if you were covered in chocolate with a nougaty center they’d know exactly where you are.

    Isn’t the guy with the Mossberg that annoying hip hop artist on the Dr. Pepper commercials?

    1. El Duderino Avatar
      El Duderino

      Checked out the FB page. Those guys obviously practiced “escape and evade” during English class.

  25. I’d bet dollars to doughnuts that for the amount of money it takes to hire these guys you could probably go out and buy most of their gear and still have enough left over for a shooting course.

  26. Yep, it’s real.


    “we do security for all event great prices hit us up 7065943290 3342020298 security for lil webbie,future & we worked with kmg promotions.”

  27. They sure do put the “Special” in Special operations.

  28. Of course these guys are legit. You don’t think they sell a duster length black rain jacket to just anyone, do you?

  29. Wow… Obviously have no clue how to maintain the air of professionalism… Please not the image which states “Rape: Its what I do.”



    1. El Duderino Avatar
      El Duderino

      Mike Judge thought Idiocracy should be 500 years in the future. It’s clear that Idiocracy is now…

    2. Andy from CT Avatar
      Andy from CT

      You do realize that was not their doing. It’s some prankster. But it’s pathetic that these guys don’t even know how to set up Facebook so that people can’t post the comments they are making as well as the funny pics.

      1. El Duderino Avatar
        El Duderino

        I kind of figured as much, the comments on the pics are, ah, less than flattering.

  30. Mr. Normal Avatar
    Mr. Normal

    “special” as in “we deploy at high speed from the Short Bus” special.

  31. Hi-Point C-9 Pistol – One hundred and fifty dollars
    Nylon holster with magazine pouch – Twelve dollars
    Airsoft tactical vest – Forty two dollars

    Being the butt of Internet jokes for the next decade – Priceless.

  32. Holy smokes, those guys are even worse than the folks you highlighted a while back out of Motown with Threat Management Center… *shudder*

  33. *wheezing* can’t stop laughing.. the fail it is strong…. the facebook page has a link to heavy six as a ‘friend’ holy moly…ENDO where do you find this stuff….?

    1. Good question. How do you find this stuff? My g-d. It’s incredible dude.

  34. There’s another website too, http://www.wix.com/tbsservicessvc/tbs, where they manage to spell “bodyguard” right twice, and wrong three times. These guys are geniuses. If this were even the slightest bit legitimate, wouldn’t you expect to see some biographies/qualifications of the individuals involved? It looks like a bunch people got laid of from Wal-Mart and decided to start their own business!

  35. Andy from CT Avatar
    Andy from CT

    They have one rifle (a Walther G22 .22 LR), a 7+1 Mossberg 500 and four handguns between them. One of them, a Hi-Point.

    I love that photo where they are all serious and watching the guy shoulder that powerful 10 shot .22 bullpup. The total badassery is making my face melt off.

    1. I’m thinkin’ that’s not even a 500, it’s a Maverick 88. Nothing against that gun, by all accounts it’s good entry level defensive scattergun, but a Benelli, it ain’t.

    1. It must only be the numbers that are important, because it does take you to their FB page, where the address is misspelled differently!

      I wonder how long it’ll be before they catch on that they’re being laughed at all over the country and take down their pages. I wouldn’t be surprised if a few people have called and left messages making fun of them! I’m not going to waste my cell phone minutes for these clowns, but I’m sure there are others who would.

  36. Ok, I’ve figured it out. They’re professional trolls and they’ve posted this bogus site to draw the ire of the shooting community so they can pursue all their detractors, haters, defamers, etc. in court under cyberbully laws…then all our money will belong to them..then they can buy real guns and gear and training and start a real blasphemy of a security firm.

  37. Wonder if the dark haired girl wants to make a little money on the side as a stripper?

  38. The Facebook page has gone bye-bye. Apparently not as well received as they had anticipated.

    1. Toadstone Avatar

      Yeah, I just missed it. That sucks.

    2. Better send ’em an email and ask them what happened

  39. Given that all security guards in Alabama have to be certified by the state before getting their permits, I wonder how these guys did in class….

    1. I did a little checking on that, and from what I could find, it seems that the only “certification” they need is a license, from the state, to carry a weapon for private use. The business must, of course, be licensed by the state, and from what I read, most professional security companies require their personnel to attend some sort of certification training. The operative word in that sentence though was “professional;” it’s clear there is nothing professional about these buffoons.

  40. JScottNH Avatar

    I am soooooo bummed that they took it down…. I can just imagine when they logged in and saw 1165 comments and thought “Hell Yeah Bubba!!! We’re in the money” Then reading all the trolling… I wish there was a camera on that… Would have been way better than any 2 Girls/1 Cup reaction video

    They could have become famous if they hit up Discovery Channel to make a reality tv show…

    1. Ernest Young Avatar
      Ernest Young

      Discovery Channel already has a surplus of idiots playing with guns.

  41. Hey dude on the left, Morpheus called….he wants his coat back.

  42. Meal Team 6

  43. are they gonna run personnel protection for you at shot show next year?

    1. ENDO-Mike Avatar

      Hahha did you see that post I made on their page before it was removed? Unfortunately they never got back to me yet. Probably too busy training to join the Secret Service.

      1. How unprofessional. For the low price of $11, you can receive my full tactical personnel protection package. I will personally skulk around you wearing my 5.11 gear, Tapcoed SKS and throat mic that isn’t connected to anything while you go about your highspeedlowdrag errands.

  44. I can’t tell you how I came across this information, but I assure you it’s legitimate.

    1. Aw shit, I should have double-checked first. I shorted one ten minutes when I typed it…

    2. ENDO-Mike Avatar

      That’s so epic Josh! It deserved its own post. LOL

  45. I… deeply regret being late to this shindig.

    1. ENDO-Mike Avatar

      Epic! That would make a good ENDO headquarters / tactical museum.

  46. CrunkleRoss Avatar

    Well that solves a mystery that’s plagued me for years, I just knew the Dog stole that look from someone, noway is he cool enough to come up with that himself, now I know.

  47. They apparently deleted their Facebook page. This makes me a sad panda.

    1. Crunkleross Avatar

      That is just how diabolically tactical these people are..deleting their own Facebooks..

  48. nraendowment Avatar

    Come on, admit it – the guy wearing sunglasses and a baseball cap is Bill Murray, right?

  49. Justmeagain Avatar

    It appears that they also offer food tasting in addition to their bodyguard services.

  50. the following is cut from their yellow book ad. AWESOME….

    In Business Since
    Hours of Operation

    Payment Types
    •Cash ONLY
    •Personal Check
    Languages Spoken

  51. They would look more official if they had:
    1.) Standard FITNESS requirements
    2.) A standard tactical uniform set and vest (all of them having the same style tactical vest and uniform)
    3.) The same badges. I would not a security company if all of it’s agents/officers had different badges.
    4.) Did uniform inspections to make sure they look PROFESSIONAL!

  52. Felicia Bragg Avatar
    Felicia Bragg

    They need to take my cell number off their stupid website and that slutty lookin bitch needs to take it off of her POF profile too. ewww

  53. nigsosoft Avatar

    Picture of the two girls…with the caption no job is too BIG or SMALL, and they literally have a fatass girl next to a smaller gal depicting the caption for the image!
    The first picture with all of them is a complete joke! I bet you anything this a joke or parody of something. Starting from the left to right, the first guy looks like a rapist/flasher….why is he wearing a long leather trench coat on a bright sunny day? The snorlax hippo looking girl next to him is pretty self explanatory……she looks pregnant! The nerdy girl next in line is even worse!!! She is pointing her gun at mr. Clean’s head! But why do they have the guns out and not holstered in the first place!?! Do they think showing off shitty looking guns in different stances makes them more legit?

  54. Personal bodyguard is now most popular in our society. At present many people join this profession .They always protected form any kind of attack in daily life.This change will give better result in future.

  55. Sgt. Hammer Avatar
    Sgt. Hammer

    WOW !!! Not even “I” can think of something Intelligent to say. Why do I hear “Dueling Banjo’s” behind me when I look at this Group Photo ???