See you in a bit, I’m headed to AutoZone!” exclaimed Jared to his fiance Karen. “Didn’t you already get the Punisher decals and that huge chrome Calvin urinating on the Toyota symbol last week?” she replied. “Hell yeah I did, I gotta upgrade to the racing brake pads though… for safety” he barely managed to say without a smirk. “Alright.. well just don’t go overboard.” Karen felt she had to add, as Jared already had one foot out the door.

In the driveway Jared’s newest beast was waiting; A 2020 F-350 XL SUPER DUTY with the V8 Powerstroke. He hopped in and hit the push button start… Nothing happened. He hit it again and heard a click. Not in the least bit phased or frustrated he pushed the button a third time and the truck spurted then gurgled to life. “Must be the new anti-theft system they told me about at the dealers, sweet!” impressed, he said to himself. Jared put the truck into reverse, backing out of the driveway and almost hitting his fiance’s Nissan Leaf. The drive to the AutoZone was uneventful, except for two police cars speeding past him in the opposite direction on the highway. Jared touched his hand to the base of the grip on his IWB Glock 21, knowing that someday… somewhere when the boys in blue ever needed backup he would gladly oblige. He didn’t shoot much, but he watched enough YouTube videos to know he was a deadly asset.

The AutoZone parking lot was surprisingly empty for a Sunday afternoon; a blessing in disguise considering Jared couldn’t park the truck properly to save his life. Backing into a large spot (to make a quick exit if need be), he still managed to hop the curb and press the rear bumper against an already struggling sapling on the outskirts of a flower bed. Oblivious to all of this, Jared put 5.11 A.T.A.C.’s to asphalt and briskly walked towards the entrance. “It ain’t me… it ain’t me… I ain’t no senator’s son…” CCR played quietly over the outdoor intercom speakers as Jared grabbed the door handle “I AIN’T NO FORTUNATE ONEEEEEEE NAHHHHHW. Hey Fellas!” Jared sung out as a portly looking worker covered in motor oil who was messily eating a gas station style hoagie, briefly diverted his eyes upwards from the classified section of the newspaper. “I’m looking for new brake pads for my 2020 F-350 XL SUPER DUTY… what you got?” Jared inquired. The man never looked up again, but a teen girl emerged from the back and asked him to repeat his question. “Oh yea the 3F 50.. Riiiiight I’ve heard those things are rough on brakes” the girl said. “Oh, no it’s brand new I just wanted something steeped in performance. What are my options?” asked Jared. Thinking back to her training last week, of always maximizing the sale and profiling the customer with dead giveaways and playing off those to sell the high margin products, the girl paused… “You look like you work out… I mean like, you look strong. You a cop?” Despite the fact that Jared was not Law Enforcement this absolutely made his entire day. “People ask me that a lot” (Note: no one ever has… not even once) “I’m a sheepdog if you know what that is… basically the same thing.” continued Jared. “I knew it!” the girl said, half flirting with him at this point. “Do you know Stop Tech? We just got these new brake pads in that are absolutely made for protectors like yourself. I’ll go grab them from the back, don’t go anywhere k?” Jared definitely wasn’t going anywhere. The girl emerged holding a box; while walking towards him she read “Engineered for extreme conditions….” Jared cut her off “Wait.. does that say tactical? Are they thin and blue?” The girl knew this sale was in the bag; “You bet! You even kind of look like the guy on the box ha ha” she replied. “Haha I kinda do. I’ll take them.” replied Jared. “Quick response for first responders…” he read out loud off the box while she scanned the barcode. “It is a good idea to splurge on these little things that help me protect better.” he said, which at this point fell on uninterested ears. 📷 @the__nicholas__christian

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Hope you guys enjoyed that, thanks for reading… hopefully you got a laugh or two.  The fellas on Instagram absolutely lose their mind over these, so I’m going to try to do them more often.

Thoughts?