Santa’s Defense Force – Candy Cane Weapon Systems

Straight out of North Pole skunkworks:

Part of the C3 “Candy Cane Carbine” family of candy cane-based weapons, the C3C is a special ultra compact application suitable for close gifting and close protection operations by Santa’s special forces (SPS and SPECGIFT.)

The Mk12 Tenenbaum Launcher fires 75mm High Cheer Ballistic Christmas trees up to 500 meters for an area cheer effect.

Part of the C3 “Candy Cane Carbine” family of candy cane-based weapons, the Donner & Blitzen Accurized Candy Cane Carbine can reliably put a candy projectile on a 25mm diamater target at 300 meters. Featuring Rudolph 4-12×50 optics.

Source – Santa’s Little Secret Service

Hahha the descriptions are the best part.  For those that don’t know, Santa’s Little Secret Service is a highly trained group of operators that have been keeping Santa safe since Christmas of 2006.

Hat tip: Matt


8 responses to “Santa’s Defense Force – Candy Cane Weapon Systems”

  1. Willy A. Bergstrøm Avatar
    Willy A. Bergstrøm

    “Hey you! The green furry one! Drop the presents and put your hands up! That’s right Grinch, you’re St.Nicked” :p

    I know, a pun is the lowest form of humor :p

  2. Enraged History Buff Avatar
    Enraged History Buff

    Oh god, I lost it when I saw the sniper rifle.
    Funny stuff.

  3. I’m dreaming of a red X-mas.

  4. There’s a Finnish movie called Rare Exports in which a real Santa is discovered near the Arctic Circle. He’s demonic, not beneficent. The tag line says it all, “He knows if you been naughty or nice… and he doesn’t give a shit.”

  5. Zed Head Avatar

    Fail! It doesn’t even have a shoulder thing that goes up!!

    1. man speaks the truth

    2. What shoulder thing?

  6. The unit descriptions are the best part.

    I lost it when I read “25th Long Range Fairy Squadron”, didn’t stop laughing for the rest of the article.