At every range, shooters from the following list of archetypes can be found. The more you think about it, the more you will realize you have seen these people. The question is, which one are you?
- Grampa and Cody
- The Range Nazi
- The Tea Drinking Man.
- Jesse and Jamie.
- The Paramilitary Poseur
- The Man in Tac-Black
- The Punk-Ass Amateur
- The Idiot Girlfriend.
- The Homie
- The Recreationist
- The Guest
- The IPSC Weiner
- The Hippie.
1. Grampa and Cody
Typically an older white guy and his sniveling grandchild (or similar junior relation). Grampa is trying to teach Cody (or Jody, or Brody, or whatever crap name the kid has) how to shoot with a 1950’s era Lakefield or Cooey .22 rifle and an empty tin can lying 10m away on the ground. Cody’s soccer mom and sensitive new-age dad aren’t too keen on this idea, but the old man overruled them. Claimed they were coddling the little brat (true) and this will be a valuable experience (doubtful). Grampa smells of rye and seems a little unsteady on his feet, and insists on holding forth about his views on how a) kids today are all idiots, b) how much better things were in the old days, c) the evils of Communism, or d) the proper place of a woman. He occasionally interrupts his diatribe to yell such helpful advice as “squeeze the trigger, dammit! Like I showed you!” without ever having bothered to explain to Cody how iron sights work. Will grudgingly dole out one round at a time from his pocket, with instructions not to waste it. In the 30’s (or whenever the ancient bastard grew up) people only made 23¢ a year and couldn’t afford to miss a shot, or they’d catch The Polio. Cody, for his part, couldn’t hit the ground with a handful of thrown rice, is close to tears, and wishes he were at home with his XBox.
2. The Range Nazi
Annoying, but basically harmless, the sole reason for existence of the Range Nazi is sucking all the fun out of shooting. Will arrive at the range with a single antiquated rifle in a calibre nobody shoots anymore, such as .32-20. Will set up a number of bullseye (never human or animal) targets at the 100m point, but does not shoot at them. Instead the Range Nazi will walk up and down the line, questioning others about the legality of their firearms, tut-tutting over the use of human silhouette targets, appointing himself boss of the range safety light, and making note of anybody being even the slightest bit unsafe(!). He will then be sure to bring up the unsafe people he witnessed being unsafe in an unsafely unsafe manner (did we mention they were unsafe?) at the next range membership meeting. Hopes to get everybody he disapproves of (which is everybody) kicked out of the range. Only then will it be safe, and only then will nobody behave in a manner certain to reflect discredit upon the range and shooting in general. Cringes every time a firearm is referred to as a weapon, as if somehow an anti-gun lobbyist will hear it and yell “Ah ha! Ban them! Ban them all!”. Has the phone number of every member of the range executive committee on his speed dial. Despite his intrusive ways, the Range Nazi will generally piss off when told to do so.
3. The Tea Drinking Man.
Arrives 5 minutes after the range opens, and won’t leave until it closes. Takes five trips to unload all his gear from his Buick Riviera (or similar old-fart-mobile), yet only brought two guns. Shooting routine consists of the following: Painstakingly selects a single round of ammo. Unloads it and puts it back in box. Adjusts scope. Has a drink of tea from thermos. Selects a different round of ammo. Loads into rifle. Sights in on target. Consults shooting log. Takes round out. Has drink of tea. Falls asleep. Wakes up. Adjusts sight again. And so on and so on… May or may not actually fire within the hour. Rarely makes it through more than ten rounds before the range closes for the day. Becomes annoyed when other shooters a) disturb his concentration (or napping) with the sound of their firing, b) request cease-fires to change targets that are shot out (a concept foreign to him), or c) check him for a pulse occasionally. Has been a member of the range since longbows were considered assault weapons, and is still working on the same box of ammo. When not at the range, can be found at the local gun store engaging the counter staff in hours of meandering conversation about nothing in particular.
4. Jesse and Jamie.
These are the two, for lack of a better term, rednecks. Will show up driving a full size diesel pickup that cost more than their doublewide trailer. Due to gender-ambiguous names, it is certain you will confuse who is who, and use the wrong name in conversation. Jesse (or Jamie, it depends) is down about the mill laying him off again. He’s pretty sure foreigners of some sort are responsible, and is waiting for his unemployment to kick in. Until then they subsist on Jamie’s (or Jesse’s) earnings as a hairdresser. Listen to both kinds of music, country and western. Truck will have at least one kerchief-wearing dog in the back named “Buddy”. Eager to compare a) hunting knives, b) belt buckle sizes, c) brands of chewing tobacco, d) line dancing steps or e) recipes that start with “take a side of beef…”. Shoot his and hers lever action rifles, and believe that any calibre less than a .30-30 is unmanly, while anything bigger is wasteful. Guns will be stored in vinyl gun socks from Target (if they’re over 40) or Walmart (if they’re young ‘uns). Optics, if any, will be of no more than 4x magnification and look as if they were used to hammer in nails at some point. Like to talk about how good it will be once the season starts and they have the opportunity to fill up their spare freezers. Dress almost exclusively in plaid jackets and jeans, but each has a set of “formal” cowboy boots at home for special occasions. Instinctively distrust the government, and wonder whatever happened to Preston Manning.
5. The Paramilitary Poseur
Difficult to actually see at the range due to the camouflage and SWAT gear he is wearing. Generally at least 20kg overweight, the Paramilitary Poseur is the ultimate expression of the suburban commando. Eager to discuss the best type of ammunition to use against marauding feminist ninja bank robbers or armor-plated bears. Loves to drop cryptic references to his past life as an Airborne Special Forces Delta-SEAL, which he can’t go into detail about “for security reasons”. Note: this person has never been in the military or the police. He’s most likely a mailman or a mall security guard; any job where he gets a uniform, but which doesn’t require too much hard work or talent. Claims to be a master of some arcane martial art nobody has ever heard of, like “Krav Jitsu Fu. Could kill you just by staring at you really hard. Weapons of the Poseur will generally have all sorts of “tactical” accessories added to them, effectively tripling their price and mass without doing anything to improve his shooting. Has strong opinions on the .338 Lapua vs. .408 Chey-Tac debate, despite never having fired either. Will own at least one SKS made up to look like a Dragunov, and a “sniper rifle” that turns out to be a hunting rifle with the biggest scope one can get (for under $100) mounted on it. Shooting bag will contain a) back issues of Soldier of Fortune, b) a really big knife with teeth up the back, c) 10 rounds of military surplus 5.56mm FMJ that he bought at a gun show, and d) a 1970’s vintage Soviet night vision scope that won’t mount on anything he owns.
6. The Man in Tac-Black
A rare sight at civilian ranges, but easy to spot once he’s there. Generally arrives in a 4×4 straight out of Mad Max, or a Crown Victoria with poorly-concealed lights in the grille. May or may not have a moustache reminiscent of a gay porn star, but will have a very short haircut. Weapons are generally black, scary looking, and numerous. Can easily fill a rack with what he brought just to do some informal plinking with. The envy of the Paramilitary Poseur and the sworn nemesis of the IPSC wiener. Insists on lying in the dirt in the prone position instead of using the shooting bench like a reasonable human being. Gets confused when not everybody is shooting the same type of weapon and serial as he is. May even begin what he calls a “run down” without warning, so be wary. Shooting bag will contain a) the Dropzone PSP catalogue, b) a bayonet for at least one of his rifles, c) hundreds of rounds of 5.56mm FMJ he stole from work, and d) a number of 30 round magazines that have been pinned to 30 rounds. Takes pride in hitting targets that others can barely see, but becomes bored easily and will often try to use a shotgun or even a pistol for targets at long range. Quick to recognize others of his own kind and engage in the arcane ritual of “who-do-you-know-and-where-have-you-been”. Also has strong opinions on the .338 Lapua vs. .408 Chey-Tac debate, having fired both. Doesn’t flinch when firing, or when those around him fire. May, in fact, be stone deaf.
7. The Punk-Ass Amateur
A common sight at most ranges, a danger to himself and everyone around him, but blissfully unaware of the fact. Arrives at the range in a small import car, which bottoms out two or three times on the rough access road. Weapons will be made by Norinco or Hi-Point, as they cost less than anything else and he really doesn’t know any better. Barrel may still be full of the original packing grease, as “weapons maintenance” is a foreign concept to him. Targetry will consist of pieces of the cardboard box the weapon came in with hand-drawn circles on them. Fires off 40 rounds of ammo bought at local store (for full price) as quickly as possible. Fond of such effective shooting positions as the “from the hip”, the “close my eyes and flinch every time I fire” and the ever-popular “try to hold the rifle one-handed like a pistol”. Won’t hit a thing and doesn’t care; he’s there to bust caps and socialize. Once out of ammo, will roam about the range examining other shooters’ weapons and looking hopeful in the off chance they let him try one. Often accompanied by Idiot Girlfriend.
8. The Idiot Girlfriend.
Usually found in the company of the Punk-Ass Amateur. Typically between the ages of 18 and 26, the Idiot Girlfriend doesn’t like the range, but wants to ensure her boyfriend isn’t involved in any activity that doesn’t include her. Arrives woefully unprepared for the range, with no water, unsuitable clothing, and often no hearing protection. Will, however, have flawless makeup. After a period not exceeding 20 minutes, will immediately begin complaining about a) how hot it is, b) how cold it is, c) the lack of washrooms, d) the condition of any washrooms there happen to be, or e) the noise. If she isn’t the centre of attention when she first arrives, she will make it her business to be. A drama queen at heart, she will resort to pouting, whining, stamping her little feet and locking herself in the car if she believes her boyfriend is more interested in shooting than in her plight of discomfort. Rarely seen actually firing, but will try it if the gun seems cute or non-threatening enough. Likes .22’s due to the low recoil and quiet report. Not a fan of the .338 Winchester magnum, for obvious reasons. In the off chance she fires something with even the slightest bit of recoil, she will immediately begin a display of overacted injury normally reserved for World Cup matches.
9. The Homie
Formerly considered a sub-variant of the Punk-Ass Amateur, the Homie has been sighted in sufficient numbers to grant him his own category. His arrival will be heralded by the booming bass coming from a stereo more powerful than the car he put it in. Drives a blinged-out import car or a lowered SUV, anything that would look at home in “The Fast and the Furious”. Like the Punk-Ass Amateur, will bottom out two or three times on the poor road leading to the range. Weapons will generally match his vehicle for sheer tackiness and lack of practicality. If he has the money he will own a Desert Eagle, in .50 calibre, with a gold chrome finish. Will definitely have a Glock 9mm, as it is what all his heroes on MTV carry. Actually thinks shooting with the weapon canted 90 degrees to the left is effective; cannot understand why the ejected brass keeps hitting him in the face. Dress of the Homie is distinctive and usually follows a theme of a ludicrously oversized track suit, lots of chunky 8-karat gold chains, designer sunglasses that cost more than his guns, and a particularly offensive cologne he applies with a cropduster. Likes to speak in ebonics and flash gang signs. Parents are tax attorneys and live in a gated community. Would likely wet himself if ever confronted by real gangsters.
10. The Recreationist
A strange breed, the Recreationist likes to travel in packs. Dressed in a costume made up of at least four kinds of animal skin and wearing a hat with a tail hanging from it, the Recreationist loves to pretend he lives in the time of the frontier. This applies to his firearms, personal gear, and hygiene when in character, unfortunately. Prefers to be called by some self-applied moniker like “Mountain Mike” or “Raccoon-eating Dave” instead of his real name. Owns a $6000 handcrafted Italian reproduction blackpowder musket and a custom belt knife that cost more than a used motorcycle. Spent three years and thousands of dollars researching his outfit for authenticity; still looks like a hobo. Has never slept outside a night in his life, and takes 4 different medications for allergies. The Recreationist loves to use period slang, often saying things like “varmint” or “dadgummit”, believing this makes him more authentic. May occasionally become confused and throw in a “Get thee hence” or “Zounds!” for good measure. Has nothing but disdain for newfangled weapons, “newfangled” indicating anything capable of firing more than one aimed shot in a minute. Loves to engage in staged duels with others of his own kind, as he is an actor at heart. Once “shot” will begin a 10-minute death scene worthy of Sir Laurence Olivier… or the Idiot Girlfriend. Arrived at the range in a BMW 740i with onboard GPS navigation and a car fax.
11. The Guest
The Guest, as the title implies, is not actually a member of the range, and does not own any guns. They’re just somebody who got invited to come along by one of the other archetypes. Guests will generally just stand quietly and not touch anything until invited to do so, but some are prone to know-it-all-ism, and have the bad habit of thinking they actually have some sort of skills with firearms based on their extensive combined CounterStrike experience and collection of action movies. The quiet guest will gamely try anything he is handed, so the temptation to hand him the hardest kicking rifle you own and then tell him to put his eye “right up on the scope” must be avoided. Initially leery of firearms, the guest will usually quickly overcome their fears, make the obligatory “it doesn’t sound like that on TV” comments, and settle into some good supervised fun. The obnoxious guest will immediately make his way to the rifle rack, select the most visually impressive weapon, assure onlookers that he requires no help, and then spend 10 minutes trying to figure out how to chamber a round. Quiet guests may become a regular fixture and eventually become shooters themselves. Obnoxious ones are seldom invited back.
12. The IPSC Weiner
Loves to congregate with others of his own kind and take over entire ranges for days at a time so he can play gunfighter. Will construct entire towns out of plywood and cardboard in order to shoot for one afternoon. Owns a custom racegun worth more than the car he arrived in. Likes to dress in obnoxiously coloured clothes with firearms manufacturers’ logos prominently displayed on them in hopes others will think he’s sponsored. He isn’t. The mortal enemy of the Man in Tac-Black, due to an ancient dispute over the definition of practical shooting. Engages in “realistic” combat shooting scenarios such as being seated on a toilet while wearing a holstered handgun, and suddenly having to dispatch two armed terrorists who broke into his bathroom. Will collect your ejected brass before it has a chance to bounce, whether he shoots that calibre or not. Likes to work into conversation the number of dubious shooting academies he’s attended, and name drop any quasi-celebrity IPSC shooters he knows in order to impress others. Doesn’t work. Hates being confronted by questions like “just how practical is a pistol that falls out of the holster, fires if you even look at it dirty, and requires 60 hours of maintenance a week?” or “what kind of lunatic would immediately holster his pistol and yell ‘clear’ at a stopwatch-wielding bystander in a real gunfight?”, or the dreaded “wouldn’t a shotgun be more effective?”.
13. The Hippie.
A rarity at most ranges, the Hippie is usually an acquaintance of a shooter who has been brought to the range after shooting their mouth off about guns one too many times. Could be considered an offshoot of the Guest, but is different in that they have no interest in shooting for shooting’s sake; they’re looking for further evidence to support their patchouli-soaked and generally worthless opinions. Ironically, will arrive clad in more army surplus than the Paramilitary Poseur. Hippies will claim this is done to make an ironic social commentary, but the truth is that camouflage is less likely to show stains, and they can’t afford real clothes. Will comment about the “negative energy” coming off the guns, but rest assured, your firearms are not generating an ionic discharge. They are referring to the “aura” that a non-organic, inanimate object inexplicably possesses. More likely witnessing an acid flashback, or possibly hallucinating out of hunger due to all-tofu diet. Will try firing, only after wondering aloud why anyone needs guns, and inquiring as to how many children you’ve shot at. Do not let the Hippie fire from anything but a supported position, as they will certainly scream and drop your weapon sights-down onto the concrete. This is an excellent way to convert a precision rifle scope into a hollow black tube. After firing a minimum of rounds, and picking up an “idiot cut” along the way, the Hippie will leave, never to return. They will, however, now feel free to consider themselves an expert on firearms.
Comments
77 responses to “The List of Offensive Shooting Range Stereotypes”
Nice. Gun humor, carefully crafted, spell- and grammar-checked. I didn’t realize there were other gun owners with a sense of humor.
Can’t say I’ve run into all of these jokers, but most of them to be sure.
Hmmh.
Yea, some of those jokers are definitely regional!
Not completely checked, …has ever heard of, like “Krav Jitsu Fu… Missing end quote. Just sayin.. *shrugs*
LOL, Good list, I’ll make sure I stay off it!
Never seen the hippie but I did once see a Chinese couple trying out their freshly minted 2nd amendment rights. :)
Nicely crafted, fun to read (was interesting enough to read the entire thing), and so accurate it’s scary. Glad to know that it’s pretty much a universal thing.
14. The Gun Blogger
Encapsulates a self righteousness often found among normal gun owners (If he in fact owns a firearm himself) but with an insecurity which drives him to spew his opinions on the internet where everyone (And conversely no one) will see them. Will bring up supposedly controversial arguments like the .338 Lapua vs. .408 Chey-Tac debate, to add credibility to his statements, when much like the The Paramilitary Poseur he himself has fired neither. Has the power to completely psychoanalyze an individual and by extension an entire group by seeing them once, a very scientific criteria indeed. Makes judgments on individuals who are simply enjoying themselves because they stray from his narrow minded perception of what it is to be a shooter. Uses a sarcastic humor intended to purvey the oh so familiar “If you don’t agree with me you don’t know anything about gun culture.” mentality to his generally unintelligible audience. When challenged will first attempt to dissect the opposing argument for grammatical or spelling errors, however unable to find any will inevitably resort to questioning the antagonists own knowledge of guns and gun culture, thus disgracing them in the eyes of the audience (Initially his fans) rendering his dominion safe, and his opinions even more valid than before.
@ GObama, as a person who is very much a “Guest” As well as being terribly afraid of guns, I agree with most everything he stated. I thought the way in which he stated it was intelligent and accurate as well as being cleverly written. The simple fact is that you should not be on the range if you are uneducated or rather refuse to be educated. If that’s the case, you are a danger to yourself and others. there’s nothing wrong with knowing about and loving guns, but the truth is that they are made to kill. If a person refuses to learn and treats such a fact as light, he or she will remain one of those on this list. I am not going to attack you, seeing as how you went out of your way to prove how much you know about guns. I myself know almost nothing of them, nor do I pretend or want to. I’m merely a “guest”. A guest that wonders what’s causing your need to attack someone of whom most here can find no fault with.
15. The Counter Example
Characterized by his sheepish nature, The Counter Example will seek a strong nipple to affix himself to. This nipple can be an idea, a person, or a thing possibly even all three. Often thinks that his opinions and admittance of ignorance add strength and latitude to that which he furiously suckles at. Tends to miss the point of an argument when it is directed at his host. Will soapbox at the nearest opportunity to show its loyalty. It’s rant will make points that are unwarranted by the circumstance. After such displays The Counter Example is exposed for the parasite he truly is.
Both of you are sophomores in college, get off my internet
16: The Comment Warrior
Will feverishly defend all posts he makes while launching all-out assaults on any others, especially admins. Frequently disputes the “experience” of the writer for reasons unknown to all but him. Perpetuates arguments until others are too fed up to continue in the hopes that this will make it look like they’ve won.
17. The Satirical Doppelganger
Tends to hold himself in high regard, but acknowledges the lunacy of some arguments. You can only ever be half sure of what his true feelings are about a situation. The only thing you can be sure of is that you are wrong. Tends to argue for the sake of argument and revels in the thrill of pissing people off. His true motives may be anything from gently granting perspective on an issue, to pure and wrathful chaos. Diet includes: The Gun Blogger, The Counter Example, and anything containing reference to The Jonas Brothers. Often confused for The Comment Warrior, the main distinction being that The Comment Warrior cares about the outcome of the battle. May admit when he is wrong about an individual or issue if he is received well. Likes sweater vests.
18. The Troll
Says anything he wants to get a rise out of people. The more you fight the stronger they become. Don’t feed the trolls kiddies.
hahaha nice rebuttal!
He said nipples :)
I’m flattered you took the time to craft that. I definitely got a few laughs out of it. :P
Scanning GObama: please wait…
Analysis: Para Military poseur detected
Also, U MAD?
Wow, its called humor… he didn’t call the caliber debate controversial, but heated, and doesn’t need to have fired them to know there is a debate. You sound a little butt-hurt, did he hit the nail on the head with one of his assessments?
Obvious troll is obvious.
Otherwise, very nice article. In Canada we really only get 2, maybe 3 categories since our gun laws make it very difficult to own and bring your own firearms to a range.
You forgot the Gun Snob – you know, the neatly-dressed fellow in his late twenties to mid thirties who brings between 1 and 3 pre-ban HKs and who makes sure everybody near him knows that they’re actually HKs, and not cheaper clones. Usually comes to the range alone.
hahah yea that is definitely a good one
Must feel great to be so superior. Be careful though, someone might mistake you for a condescending douche.
The most obnoxious of all is the person who wrote this article.
Can we safely assume you sir fall into one of the above categories and are the unfortunate victim of a sense of humourectomy :)
Wow I know quite a few of these.
Wow, this makes me glad to live in Texas, the local range has a couple range nazis and tea drinkers, but the IPSC setups are out of the way, and because we have a police and national guard range not to far away, most everyone is the to shoot for fun.
Every profile above was written from the viewpoint of an anti.
I am none of the above.
I am courteou, safe, sober & friendly. I prefer to come in, set up my targets, shoot and be left alone. I will gladly assist another shooter if help is requested but I will pack up at the first sign of unsafe behaviour.
If your not on the list thats good. That list outlines often found stereotypes, and quite accurate if you ask me. It’s observational, hardly written from the viewpoint of an anti.
I’m with you Nofool. I don’t see too many of the above. I’ve never, ever seen (smelled) anyone with alcohol on their breath. Never. I’d turn ’em in if I ever did.
The “grandpas” I’ve seen are responsible adults teaching the grandkids skill and respect; and the kids were loving it.
Agree, it sounds more like an anti-gunner than anything else to me. Wonder if he’s ever been to a range? Maybe public ranges are different than private ones. Maybe membership fees keep the riff raff out…
The Grump:
Characterized by his pot belly and poor shaving (or lack of), stale cigarette smell, and crossed arms. Will look down on all new members of the club, possibly due to his insecurity in his own abilities and the threat a newcomer poses, or just out of a fear of change in the club. ESPECIALLY looks down on a younger new member, because their lives have been too easy. Will avoid new members and stare at them while they try to shoot, waiting for the noob to screw up so they can stroke their ego.
You all know a few of these guys. I would bet money on that.
hahaha there are definitely a few of those at my range, especially on weekends.
Will also answer a question with a question…
Formerly a “Quiet Guest” who is now a regular, I haven’t run into all of these folks yet… But thanks for the checklist – it’ll be like ‘Range Bingo’ for when the Range Nazi is doing his thing… Thanks!
haha Range Bingo. Not a bad idea!
I’m glad to have you as a regular reader.
I’ve found my self more often the quiet guest. I’m no expert so I ask questions, and dont pretend to know how to do things. I would like to be an avid shooter, well versed in firearms. I’ve ran into the mix of the obnoxious guest and the Homie(Homeboy). Mostly shooting .50 Cal “Deagle”s as they call it. Further supporting their desire to be a CS bad ass (lame). When i first started shooting i chose a firearm I wanted to enjoy. The HK USP .40cal. I found it to be a comfortable firearm, but as time went on I realized that I wasnt being practical. I;m trying to teach my self how to shoot on a platform that i know realize may have been a bit to much for me. I’ve recently reconsidered my shooting habits, and now use a Springfield XD in 9mm. I’ve found my self to be more accurate, at greater distances. I’m now considering taking the next step by moving forward with professional firearms training/instruction.
I guess thats all. Great list by the way! I’ll definitely be back to check out the rest of the site. Take care.
Great to hear from you Justin. A HK USP .40 is quite the first gun to buy! Glad to hear you are having more luck with the XD 9mm, and you are seeing your shooting improve.
hehe….Got several chuckles and even a guffaw or two out of that read! Well done!
Living in Atlanta, we get more ‘homies’ then anything else, they always travel in packs, and shoot as fast as possible.
Loved the list. I have probably run into half of these stereotypes on ranges. Some ranges are terrible (run by range nazis) but the one in my area is great. It’s disappointing to go to a range and find it to be a group of regulars who assumes everyone else is a threat (they say to their safety, but really fear for their ego i believe) and will stand behind you graciously informing you of any minor technical errors they observe (as opposed to shooting and having fun). The best range I’ve been to wasn’t actually ranges, but were on private property and were open to the public, maintained by volunteers. This is where I got to try the most guns (everyone wanted to let you shoot theirs) and saw the best safety practiced. But thanks for the great read. Now I want to go to the range :)
lol the grandpa and Cody was me on my first time only I wanted shoot (that didn’t mean I sucked any less though lol).
[…] […]
Lame, all you did was use simplistic generalization which could be used to describe almost anybody. So when the reader goes through the list they’re like “Ohh, hey. One of these describes me, this guy must know what he’s talking about.”
this strategy has been used way too often. It follows along the guideline of Self-Fulfilling Prophecy. It’s kinda like horoscopes, first you look to see if your group type is there, read a couple of common traits, and assume they have some kind of insight. Sorry, but you really don’t. You’re nothing more than a common charlatan.
You also forgot the Crazy Zombie Apocalypse Couple, or ZCAC. Obsessed with the impending end of the world, they first bought all their guns in Airsoft Replicas, to find their “type”. If they are rich or frugal, the man owns an L96A1 imported directly from Britain, and only comes out to the range with his wife to “brush up” on his skills twice a year. Both have carry and conceal permits, and the woman keeps a Ladysmith in her purse. Their targets have chopped off limbs, red eyes and the only bulls-eye is on the forehead. ZCAC drives either a Bronco made before ’95 for the metal content, or a pick-up truck with an attached plow. Owns every zombie movie made in America, and a few foreign films. Talks constantly about their survival strategy.
hey is high points really that bad of a gun it was my frist one and i did not want to blow up a $500 dollar gun learning how to shoot no i feel bad for owning one
This article rocks! All in good fun!
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GObama – let me be the first to tell you, that you are pure genius. You crack me up, man. I only wish I had the skill to portray my feelings toward these condescending, self-righteous, hypocritical freaks as you do. lol.
Is it not obvious that anyone disagreeing by throwing in their little “side of the story” is doing the exact same thing as him? Of course, you could say: “Isn’t that what YOU are doing now?” and I would say “why, yes. It is.” and not look as completely moronic as you (the people this is directed at). The reason behind this being that I do not attack people with the only reason being that they verbally attacked another. I am also not doing that this second, by posting this comment. This comment is to emphasize the hypocrity (…if thats a word!) of all of the above comments.
Funny how, when someone disagrees you immediately cling to the “you must be one of those stereotypes and that’s why you’re mad” argument. You know why that’s funny? Because I, myself, have NEVER shot a gun. The only reason I stumbled across this page is because of a site called “Stumbleupon”. Upon reading the article, and later comments, I was made aware of the ignorance pouring out of my screen. First of all, what stereotype do you put yourself in? Because if you don’t, I promise you the guy next to you does, and he thinks the same as you do about your little “stereotypes” you’ve made in your head. Maybe you’re the guy that sits far away in his truck with binoculars watching while the cool guys play with their guns, but they won’t let you because you’re fat, ugly, 48 years old, and smelly. Maybe that could be the only reason you’ve spent more time analyzing the people at the range, than shooting your freakin’ gun!
Not to mention, I drive a coupe.
Sorry I’m in the 21st century, and don’t see it fit to buy a vehicle that uses more gas, to do less.
Call me a city boy, because our perceptions of rednecks is plenty worse :]
I started off as Cody *and* his grandfather, since I knew nobody who could teach me.
My amusing anecdote: I started off on a relatively hard-recoiling box of Federal American Eagle. Then when I switched to Winchester White Box TMJ from Wal-Mart, my first shot was … rather burned into memory. Sending my 51st bullet downrange, I had this moment of shock at seeing muzzle flash for the first time; “Woah, just like Half-Life!” was the first thought in my head. Specifically, it reminded me of the MP5; that cheap Winchester stuff was a real fireworks display.
I’ve since discovered that I love the SP-101, however, and everyone should try shooting this small steel hammer. I’ve also discovered lists of offensive stereotypes and am doing my best not to fit into any of them. ^_^
Hilarious and well-written. For those who take offense…lighten up, a bit of self-deprecating humor won’t hurt the shooting community. : )
[…] of [Fun] Shooting Range Steroetypes SOURCE HERE [quote=Every Day, No Days Off Blog]At every range, shooters from the following list of archetypes […]
High-larious! Who doesn’t love hyperbole!
Good to see this list lived up to its premise of being “Offensive stereotypes.”
A lot of people “look” like these stereotypes or features of several of them at different times. I’m a milsurp guy and a CMP shooter. I’d probably be vaguely a Paramilitary Poseur and an IPSC Wienie with a Tokarev . Except most of my guns are from the WW2 era and my AR and my AK don’t have any accessories. I keep buying guns so I never have enough money for accessories like perhaps ONE scoped rifle.
I’ve met the #1 Grampa and kid except it was a Orthodox Jewish mom and her 13-yr old son (long skirt, hair wrap and yammaka for the boy). She came with a Saiga AK and the boy was willing to ask his mom to pony up some rental money to shoot a Garand in .30-06. Never seen such a waste of milsurp Garand ammo. Only 3 holes of 30 rounds on paper. I offered him my AK and free ammo but oh well.
I’ve seen my share of Jesse and Jamie. Surprised they have never fired an AK or know what a Mosin Nagant are. Most of them enjoy shooting mine.
Oh and hey, we IPSC wieners have even more shoot scenarios, like “el Presidente” and storming an airplane cockpit and killing both terrorists without killing the pilot. No penalty points for missing and shooting out the windshield though. Heh.
This is awesome and hilarious. I’m more of the guest type becoming an actual shooter, but I’ve already seen almost all of these people. My friend is The Man in Tac-Black. He JUST bought a .338 Lapua! And is the only reason I knew what that joke was about. ^_^
@Bill re: The Gun Snob
Hey! I know that guy!
I was going to write about the zombie survivalist, from personal experience I might add. Whoever added that well done. I’m going to re-iterate for fun! I most certainly fall into this category. I am quite taken with most any zombie movie, conversation, comic, and now TV Series.
The Zombie Survivor has an extensive list of guns and items that are of the up most importance to own; an AR-15 (for general purpose killing), an R-700 (for all those rooftop showdowns), an amazingly old Winchester (for bad-assery), a Kimber .45 Pistol, A Hoyt Carbon Matrix Bow (guns are loud, thus attract more zombies), and the all important; A Mossberg JIC 12G Shotgun (with that water proof tube, in which he would place maps of the surrounding area with his escape routes drawn out). Also is known to have at least 10,000 rounds for each gun mentioned (Cheaper Than Dirt Certified). Every gun is equipped with a flashlight.
The Zombie Survivalist takes great pride in his preparedness. Spends actual amounts of time figuring out what he would do if found in various situations when an outbreak occurred. Plan is entirely dependent on what type of zombies may be eating his neighbors, whether they be fast zombies, slow zombies, whether they were dead, or a virus, if they can open doors or think in some small way to try and get to their meal, whether or not they will go after animals (also, if animals could be infected), if they could starve to ‘death’ or if they were more of a demon spawn and could just go on stumbling about for the better part of forever.
Prides himself by his alleged ability to kill his own mother, girlfriend or brother if they were infected without thinking twice. Thinks he would find ‘medkits’ and ammo sitting unattended on nearby picnic tables and in tool sheds. Has a $2,560, 700 day supply of ‘food insurance’, half under his bed, half in his car. His car consists of a late 70s-mid 80s blazer or bronco, complete with 9 massive lights on the roof that drain the battery in 8 seconds, a bumper that could kill a school, and $4,000 tires that won’t go flat if shot with a surface-to-air missile. Has a ‘To-Go’ bag in every room just in case he needs to make a quick exit. This bag weighs 400 lbs.
Is known to have water purifying kits, coleman camping stove with 30 extra tanks of propane, and basically every other expensive thing they sell at Big 5 Sporting Goods. Has 4 biosuits. Has (but has not read more than 3 or 4) 10,000+ pirated ebooks on everything from “Navy SEAL’s Field Manual”, to “Ninja Training for the Urban Warrior”, to “How to Pitch a Tent with a Man’s Foreskin”.
When seen at the range, suggests to your son he should get a 30 shot clip for his .22 because 10 rounds just isn’t enough. Spends his time dreaming of having a grenade attachment on his AR-15, or telling you about certain bullet sizes and their effectiveness vs. human flesh. Has known deep within for a long time he will never need any of these things, but still thinks they are too cool and likes to show his preparedness off to you, and to nerds who haven’t seen a gun before. Usually comes to the range alone, with most of his equipment, and 3 of his ‘To-Go’ bags within reach at all times.
[…] is in any way — practical for practical shooting,,,ill grab a shotgun… end of story… The List of Offensive Shooting Range Stereotypes see #12 […]
One more: The Target Stealer
Usually armed with an accurate, semi-automatic, large capacity firearm, these guy’s don’t understand ownership. You’ll call a cease fire to set targets up, and as soon as it’s lifted, and before you can turn around, they’ll be pounding away at your targets, ruining your groupings. Common suspects are crack-shot teenagers trying out their dad’s new AR-15, or general idiots.
Sources: used to be one :) [USED to]
I would have to opine that some of the people that have posted here A. Take themselves WAY too seriously and B. Do not understand nor appreciate satire. Great post and thank you.
Aren’t there any admirable characters? A protagonist of sorts? For example some guy who’s really really good, maybe a real life version of Bob Lee Swagger. I have never even been to a shooting range, I’m just generally asking out of curiosity.
How about “the YouTube gun and Gear reviewer?” you know the type, the type who reviews a gear bag and mentions everything done to the type of stitching on the Velcro straps.
Lol
I really enjoyed this post. Very funny!
As a regular shooter, and someone who is most assuredly not on this list, I got a good laugh out of this read. I Don’t understand why many people are so deeply offended :? Even if you fall into one of these categories, it’s just satire. Would any range be complete without a few of these types? Perhaps a true “14.” is necessary.
14. The Regular.
The Regular, as the title implies, is a member of the range. He/she frequents at least one range on weekends and/or a day off. He/she is there to enjoy the culture and, more importantly, the sport of shooting. Tends to get quietly excited over a new gun, sight, or ammo load but generally keeps it to him/herself. Can be found in small to medium sized groups but is just as happy spending the day alone. Respects others space and practices but will often spend spare moments (while reloading or during target set-up) trying to apply stereotypes 1-13 to each of the other people present at the range.
*Regulars often, but not always, have no opinion on the .338 Chey-Tac vs. .408 Lapua debate because he/she doesn’t really have a desire to shoot or own either.
“THE GUY WITH THE $20K MACHINE GUNS”
You forgot the Class 3 owner, either cool, rich, or a total dick.
“THE QUIET RECENTLY DEPLOYED”
You forgot Soldiers, legit 11B’s or 18B’s, or some type that has been deployed. Normally, cool. But most surprisingly do know know a whole lot about what they are shooting. They don’t really talk to anyone either.
“END OF DAYS MEN”
You forgot the new “its the end of the world, I have to get millions of rounds because my government is coming after me” They normally have every tactical thing ever made and spend more money on guns then they would have on ivy league college. They also act like they are way cooler and more “elite” than the military. Most of the time they have never served a day in the military.
“MR GUN RANGE LAWYER”
There is also the “every class 3 weapon you have is illegal, because I know stuff, and its illegal….” Cant tell you how many people flip shit when they see my suppressors or a SBR…(anger) Or if you shoot on auto or burst, they threaten to call the police. These days I just staple a copy of my forms to the table, please…call the cops. Thank you” Mr. GUN RANGE Lawyer.”
Finally, there’s me, a Soldier with some class 3 stuff looking at all these people going…WTF? I just want to shoot on a day off, instead, I am surrounded by bizarro world. Trolling much? A little bit yeah, but god I hate most of the local ranges. Do me a favor, next time you see a military poser, please give them a swift kick in the balls for the soldiers out there that are fighting and busting their asses every day for their freedoms, and all of my fallen brothers that cannot do it today because of…well, you get the idea. Kick a poser in the nuts. HARD. If they are particularly awesome SF/CAG/Navy Seal/secret agents, send their info over to the POW network, or Professional soldiers.com. Then watch their heads roll. Awesome blog by the way. Keep it up. Again “Kicking a poser in the nuts is not a crime” Thank you.
I lost track of the numbering … but I didn’t see a listing for folks who are serious about learning how to use firearms both safely and well.
I’ve taken my CCL class (98% despite semi-literate wording of some of the test questions) but the only thing about gun handling I didn’t know before the class that I now know are some of the simple points about sight picture.
I can mirror-practice all day. But I need to be where I can also pull the trigger … and that’s on the range.
Must add “The Rookie Cops”. These guys are obviously cops, with super clean cut hair and designer jeans. The only weapons they have are matching service pistols, usually Glocks, and they will only engage each other in conversation. That conversation will revolve around on-duty antics, civilians, girlfriends, designer jeans, and Glocks. They will always be set up on the shortest available target area, 10 feet is ideal. They have one box of ammo between the two of them. and anything loaded into the gun is quickly flung downrange with authority, but little accuracy. One magazine may net a high-five for two hits on the paper. Due to only one box of ammo, it will take 20 minutes to reload a magazine. Range rules are merely suggestions to them, safety isn’t a priority, and they swear (only to each other) that it’s the cheap ammo that keeps them from shooting as well as the neighboring 8 year old girl with a .22 and a crisply shot-out center of her target. Leaves the range after 45 minutes to guzzle cheap beer and watch the ball game.
you missed two- black powder fouler- forever checking target and smoking the line up and the blazer/blaster- my auto cannon is better than anything here……
I live in Albuquerque and I can’t say I’ve witnessed or noticed any of the stereotypes listed on this page. People here are pretty indifferent and just keep to themselves for the most part. If people here don’t know you then chances are they don’t want to know you. The main shooting range(shooting range park) here is strictly controlled and doesn’t allow anything that could be fun or dangerous, meaning even a single shot should be fired no more than once every 1-3 second along with 15 other rules. All rules are strictly enforced and the range doesn’t allow for any personalities, sleeping or antics.
I would love to find a shooting range with some of the personalities listed..life is just too plain and boring in this city.
You need to come up to Los Alamos. We have a few of these types.
a very long list
Brass Picker or Brass Hound
This guy arrives at random times, going to the least populated areas of the range first and proceeds to search for any type of re-useable brass. Often times he never brings a gun to shoot and only stays as long as it takes to search every firing line. Knows exactly how many and what caliber casings is in his hands at any one time. Friendly guy, often engages in small talk but quickly begins asking about reloading if the opportunity arises. Sometimes comes off as impatiently waiting for you to leave so he can snag all that .223 and 45acp brass littering the line. He collects it all except steel cased and seems irritated that people are too cheap to shoot brass. That’s me – there is one at every range.
Ol’JB
Ol JB grew up in a better day. He has been shooting since he was 12. He has had the privilege of owning and shooting a wide variety of guns in his many years. He has worked at a gun shop, befriending many shooters. Although generally quiet these days, JB is a encyclopedia of gun knowledge, who would really like to sit down and visit over a cup of coffee, but doesn’t know how to approach the subject. He is sad that he has lost touch with most of his old gun buddies, and shed tears at the funerals of a few more. JB believes in self defense, and has been in a hairy situation or two, but is relieved that those situations diffused without shots being fired. Married life in a bad economy slowly saw JB part with most of his guns. Though never a trained gunsmith, JB has read extensively on firearms restoration, and having never been a rich man, most of the guns he owned were purchased in sad shape and lovingly returned to fine condition on his workbench. He is here today to lovingly run a few magazines through a Colt made in 1927. It’s fine blue finish has faded to a pewter patina, and it’s checkered walnut grips are worn completely smooth, but it’s barrel is tight in the bushing, and it runs like the day it was born. JB will not refinish this one, as it, like him, came to be where it is today honestly. If the truth were known, of the hundred guns JB has owned, this is the last, and his favorite. His first and only real Colt. JB fears that if times get any worse, he may have to sell it to pay his bills. You notice JB keeps glancing at your fine looking Savage 1923AA .22 you inherited from your grandfather. The one with the distinctive stripe of figuring that runs up the left side from the blued steel buttplate, all the way to the delicate schnabel of the fore end. JB remembers the 18 coats of hand-rubbed tung oil he applied to that stock many years ago, before he let your grandfather talk him out of that little rifle. He remembers the countless applications of cold blue required to bring the barrel to that shade of midnight black. He wonders if your late grandfather told you that front sight blade was made at the savage factory from one half of a silver quarter. JB misses your grandfather sorely, and wishes he knew you, but is afraid introducing himself might be an intrusion. One day JB will stop showing up at the range altogether. Either he will have lost his last gun, and with it his last bit of joy on life, or he will have failed to meet the dawn some morning, and found a new home in the earth. Your lives would both be richer if you were to wave JB over and get to know him. Perhaps it is something you should consider.
Hey Guys,
Why do own guns and shoot? I’ve never been to a gun range, but to each his own. I hunt but if some Grandpa has to take his brat grandson to a range to plink tincans, more power to him, maybe he doesn’t have the means to take him out in the country, and perhaps when the brat grows up he will become a defender of our right to bear arms.
I carry a 44 Mag (inadequate) while fishing in Grizzly country, and have a few other pistols, but they don’t excite me, nor do the quasi military rifles, but more power to the guys and girls that enjoy them.
so, we each get our enjoyment from guns for different reasons and we should not “bad mouth” the ones that enjoy shooting in ways different than ours. We should only encourage safety and that they join the NRA.
[…] depicted in the video are dead on. There’s a post I made a while back on here titled List of Offensive Shooting Range Stereotypes which you guys might also like. As you’d expect, many people in the comments don’t […]
[…] depicted in the video are dead on. There’s a post I made a while back on here titled List of Offensive Shooting Range Stereotypes which you guys might also like. As you’d expect, many people in the comments don’t get […]
Nicely done. Well written, amusing, and a subtle lesson that each of us may find we are potentially a “good example of a bad example”.
Yes, there are a number of stereotypes which you have declined to include here.
It’s good to know when you have done enough, and then it’s time to stop and let your readers expand on the theme.
The Import:
From another country that does not allow civilian gun ownership, usually somewhere in Asia. Will rent a 1911 and an Ar-15, nearly always. Will usually fire from the teacup position or wrap the thumb from his non dominant hand, around the back of his wrist. This guy usually knows more technical info about any modern “tactical” gun than most owners of that gun, yet cannot effective use it.
Good blog post and nice commrnt thread too. Very entertaining.
The Hunter –
Very hard to detect, as is their nature. Will arrive just after opening, and leave right after noon. Despite having camouflage for almost every terrain, both night and day shades, will be wearing clothing that doesn’t stand them apart from other shooters. Wields two, but sometimes three, firearms with interchangeable ammo, mainly rifles. Scopes are simple, roughly 4x with German reticles. Tends to be quiet and focused, yet extremely conscious of other shooters. Prefers targets that were alive at one time, at least, such as melons. Takes a God awful amount of time to fire, and will adjust their scope after very nearly every shot. Inclined to possess greater knowledge of the outdoors, as well as human and animal anatomy, than firearms. Regardless of the Hunter’s performance at the range, he will always leave dissatisfied.