HK. Because you suck. And we hate you.

This is hilarious:

An open letter to the gun community from HK’s marketing department:

In a world of compromises, some people put the bullets in the magazine backwards…But it doesn’t matter, because our gun is on the cover of the Rainbow Six video games. Look how cool that SEAL coming out of the water looks… If you buy a $2,000 SOCOM, you will be that cool of an operator too. And chicks will dig you.

At HK, we stuck a piston on an AR15, just like a bunch of other companies have done, dating back to about 1969. However ours is better, because we refuse to sell it to civilians. Because you suck, and we hate you.

Our XM8 is the greatest rifle ever developed. It may melt, and it doesn’t fit any accessories known to man, but that is your fault. If you were a real operator, you would love it. Once again, look at Rainbow Six, that G36 sure is cool isn’t it? Yeah, you know you want one.And by the way, check out our new HK45. We decided that humans don’t need to release the magazine with their thumbs. If you were a really manly teutonic operator, you would be able to reach the controls. Plus we’ve fired 100,000,000 rounds through one with zero malfunctions, and that was while it was buried in a lake of molten lava, on the moon. If you don’t believe us, it is because you aren’t a real operator.

By the way, our cheap, mass-produced, stamped sheet metal guns like the G3 and MP5 are the bestest things ever, and totally worth asinine scalpers prices, but note that cheap, mass-produced, stamped sheet metal guns from other countries are commie garbage. Not that it matters, because you’re civilians, so we won’t sell them to you anyway. Because you suck, and we hate you, but we know you’ll be back. We can beat you down like a trailer park wife, but you’ll come back, you always do.

Buy our stuff.


HK Marketing DepartmentHK. Because you suck. And we hate you.


You have to read the whole article, including the authors explanation… it’s priceless!

Full article at Larry Correia’s Monster Hunters Nation Blog – HERE


10 responses to “HK. Because you suck. And we hate you.”

  1. Go play your rainbow six…

  2. […] I like how this guy did it classy too, by incorporating the camera mount into the magazine, and using a regal looking mini tripod.  Not to mention the fact he used an airsoft HK frame.. just to really say “Neighbor, you suck and I hate you so I’m stealing your wi-fi with this gun” (reference) […]

  3. […] I guess the tables turned on HK, civilians are normally used to being on the receiving end of hate from that company. […]

  4. LMFAO!

  5. […] The University of Nottingham is in the hometown of Heckler & Koch.  If HK made a smoke ring vortex cannon they would only sell it to law enforcement for copious amounts of money, and scoff at the civilian market worldwide. […]

  6. […]  HK… come on guys I know we suck and you hate us, but why is this not offered in mainstream calibers and in gun stores […]

  7. […] You might remember ShutDownH&K from their witty “Not In Nottingham” H&K x Robin Hood spoof.  Maybe ShutDownH&K is just bitter because H&K thinks they suck and they hate them. […]

  8. […] Allllllllways with the air guns in these types of things.  Yea I get that you don’t need a high caliber round to shatter a liquid nitrogen’d flower but come on!  The photographer is German, so I’m sure like every German guy I imagine he probably has legit ties to someone at HK who could toss one of those “too dangerous for civilians” MP7s his way for an afternoon.  Does HK hate german civilians too?  Or is that just American civilians they hate? […]

  9. […] bad it shoots such a mini cartridge.  I want that look and function, but in 9mm.  Too bad we suck and HK hates us. Posted by: ENDO-Mike June 20, 2014 Categories: Guns • Humor • YouTube Tags: […]

  10. […] Damn that thing has very little recoil. Too bad it shoots such a mini cartridge. I want that look and function, but in 9mm. Too bad we suck and HK hates us. […]